This Week's Outfit Award Goes to a Guy
+ personal style vs schtick, packing for a one way ticket to paradise, stop negging
I’m back in Maui. This time I got a one-way ticket, a pair of FiveFingers and a big surge of eclipse energy. Or maybe it’s just the peace and quiet. I packed differently this time and I’m excited to tell you about it.
When I came to Maui in February I packed pretty much all cream and white, including many beloved pieces I’d had for years. And oops I didn’t again, but this time I packed different cream and white pieces. Here’s what’s new: this white strapless mini from Rue Sophie. You may have seen my 4 styling variations I share in Stories when I was supposed to be packing. It is such a good canvas for layering under button ups, t-shirts, windbreakers, with heels, socks + mary janes, and this Sarah Aphrodite long sleeve t-shirt I lusted after for a few years and finally purchased. After talking about how casual Maui is and how I never get dressed up here, I decided to let myself bring one fancy dress, also Rue Sophie, which I’ll wear to dinner on our last night to make it an extra special occasion.
Before I go on, I just gotta say Rue Sophie may be answered prayers. I’ve been dreaming of a clothing line for people who like smart clothing, elegant cuts, understated silhouettes and a neutral palette. A line for people who love Co and The Row -quiet luxury let’s call it - but at a Reformation price point. Which is great for those of a certain age who can’t suddenly afford The Row just because they entered their 40’s or are nearing their 50’s. Great for those of us who want to clothe ourselves in an “age appropriate” way, but still want to dress a little alluring, but not desperately so. And great for those of use who feel a little embarrassed shopping for under $200 draped trousers merchandised alongside cherry print mini dresses. Or those of us who want a beige cotton overcoat that makes us look polished (rather than dishonestly utilitarian or lame-o office-y). Oh and high neck bodysuits to protect the décolleté.
Then I have these new under $100 ribbed cotton dresses from Everlane - a black mini and a white midi. Their basics are fundamental to my packing list every time and I like their ethos. I’m layering the Boyfriend Shirt you’ve maybe seen in some recent Reels over nearly everything. I brought my old favorite Mara Hoffman Minerva top (similar to this new style replete with rosettes) and popcorn dress. I never stopped loving them. If Mara still offered popcorn minis and popcorn separates I’d pounce. Meanwhile I’m tempted by Silk Laundry’s popcorn pieces in black. If only my complexion and personality could pull off bright yellow. If only someone made these in cream. Did you see those Sea NY cargo shorts I styled in a couple Reels recently? They also come in khaki. I bought and brought those in cream as well as this crochet top. I do have a light blue alpaca crochet tunic on the way which can serve as a daring dress or a swimsuit cover up. Let’s see if I can get out of my comfort zone with a little color.
Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick? Schtick? Mystique?
Speaking of comfort zones …and being of a certain age, one of the things I’ve been pondering lately is voice vs schtick. There was a time in the late 2010’s when I was wearing almost all cream and white and matching monochrome sets . I was so sure that this, along with my braid and hoops, was my signature look. It was such a relief to have settled on a personal style that I felt so aligned with after many years of feeling lost. But a lot changed in the early 2020’s. That look that once felt like my voice started to feel like a schtick. I also entered a mid-life cougar phase and wanted to switch things up and I started dressing in a way that was more conventionally attractive to the opposite sex as I enjoyed ethically non-monogamous no-strings-attached conquests for pure fun. That hasn’t run its course, but I have felt drawn to my former palette preference, roomier fits and I have tired a bit of novelty items. But I kinda started flinching over being called back to a thing that once felt like a schtick.
I can even feel schtick-y with my writing - sometimes self deprecatingly humorous, sometimes self indulgently confessional and sometimes radically vulnerable. But that’s my voice right? When I took a writing class, my first question for the instructors was going to be about voice vs schtick. Before I could ask, one of the instructors (who has a very distinctive voice as a writer, tv host and podcaster) did a live edit of her most-read Vogue piece on a Zoom screen share right before our very eyes. I was watching with bated breath wondering how she could possibly not neuter her written words or not take the petals off a rose in doing so, but it was masterful. She took out plenty of words but her inimitable voice as a writer remained. And the intent of her message still landed perfectly.
I talked to Eddie about voice vs schtick as well. He admitted struggling with finding his voice amidst his return to recording after years away from making music. He knew there was an expectation for him to recreate the blue-eye retro soul music of his 90’s sound. But it didn’t feel honest to him anymore. It would have been a shtick. He wanted to bring his honest inner world and his nearly 60 years on the planet to his new music. No gimmicks. He sums it up by saying “Schtick is when you do what’s expected of you. Voice is what springs from you honestly.” Having observed that rebirth up close, I’d say it takes extreme discipline and courageous honesty to allow it to surface. So I’m not making any more sudden moves, nor am I second guessing. I’m going toward what I’m feeling naturally pulled. Maybe getting out of one’s sartorial comfort zone is overrated. I’ll keep you posted on how I feel in the blue dress.
What If We Kissed Under the Affiliate Links I Posted Earlier
And before we get to the outfit award, I just gotta say, knock it off with the negging about affiliate links already. Jeez. Not that I’m taking it personally. I know they’re not talking about me. Not moi. I’m not a stenographer for the Big Fashion system. And I know if you’re a subscriber or follower of mine, you’re not the kind of person that’s gonna get upset if I make maybe a little 3% commission on something that I recommend. (You may get upset if I’m not making 20%.) And you trust me. It’s not like I’m selling you a bunch of snake oil and I think I’m quite honest about the product whether I use an affiliate link or not, or was gifted or not. I’m here for the readers who bring a “Can you send me your link to the _______ you posted a while back. I’m about to buy it and wan’t to make sure you get a commission” kind of ENERGY to my DMs. Please do that for all the writers and editors out here bringing you newsletters crafted to help you get dressed or be more stylish, inspire you to try new things or find things that will last more than a season or get the most out of your existing wardrobe. We appreciate you.
But alas, as I’ve said before making commissions off affiliate links isn’t my raison d'être. It’s not my ikigai. I do love clothes, and mostly I love actual good style on other people, styling things on myself, making shopping recommendations, and shining a light on things I like that you might like. I enjoy curating helpful or delightful things to purchase, learn about or experience. I like collaborating with photographers to make beautiful images. And these days, writing about all of it.
All of that, plus writing about what it’s like to age, may be my raison d'être / my ikigai. But like I said in the last one, that’s behind a paywall. You can claim a free month here. Or just subscribe below. It’s a mere $5 a month or $50 a year. You can also get a taste of that in How to Have a Midlife Crisis That Isn’t Mid.
Next time I’ll write about how I may have found my new raison d'être or my ikigai.
THIS TIME THE OUTFIT AWARD GOES TO A GUY
Now time for the Outfit Award. This one goes to the young man I stood behind at Dialog Cafe. As I timidly, stealthily and creepily(?) snuck open my iPhone camera and tried zooming in to make out the label on the inner cuff of his outerwear, my gregarious, well adjusted and sane other half just blurted out, “hey man you got sick style.” And now I know who made his jacket (and pants) and his whole life story (he works in fashion and he makes cute shorts ) and we all follow each other on Instagram now. He had a hand in making the parka as a collaboration with Pilgrim Surf and Engineered Garments. I was going to guess his trousers were vintage Margiela but found out straight from the source they were Eckhuas Latta from Fall 2020. I already knew the shoes were Plasticana gardening shoes. I always appreciate seeing those worn out and about in the world, but with wide leg white linen pinstripe trousers?! And a roomy multi-pocket twill parka?! on a young man?! I die. So good. He topped it off with a vintage J. Crew baseball cap. We didn’t get cozy enough for me to ask what shirt he was wearing under his jacket, so we’ll just have to bet it was as exemplary as the rest of the look.
May include some affiliate links. I may make a small commission if you make a purchase.