To Stop Avoiding, Make Space for a Void

+ Sis' Six - A Patchwork of Six Things I'm Loving This Summer

I decided to take off all of August and I had the most productive week in a long time. I give some insights on that paradox and share six special things making life feel cohesively imperfect, refined, cozy, sultry, intentional, magical, grounded, flowing, earthy, and luxurious right now.

Scrap it.

I don’t have a to-do list. A list?! I have a spiral notebook full of to-dos that I add to daily. I write my to-do wishlist for the day on Post-Its and stick them on my bathroom mirror. Sometimes I have so many to-dos I don’t know where to begin. I underestimate how much time tasks will take. When I eventually find myself falling behind and paralyzed under the pressure of all that needs to get done and unable to adequately prioritize, I fold up my stickies and put them in a bowl and draw them out at random. Because as a freelancer who coaches clients, writes, creates content, occasionally styles on set, partners with brands, takes classes, hosts a co-working group, works out several times a week, maintains relationships, and is still hungry to read every book - how do I even begin to prioritize:

Things that pay the bills

Things that might pay the bills someday

Things that feed my soul

Things that help others

Things that might someday feed my soul

Things that might someday help others

Things that serve my physical body

Things that might serve my physical body someday

Deadlines

Commitments

Appointments

Keeping promises

Networking

Rest, relaxation, entertainment

Caring for my physical space

Errands

Classes. Journaling. Dreamwork. Homework. Things that make me a more healed and whole individual

^ How would you, dear readers, rank these? I’d love to know. ^

I got the keys to my new office this week!

I’d begun packing up my old studio, but before I left the old spot I was determined to finish one last sewing project before I put my sewing machine in storage. This was a patchwork cozy I wanted to make for my ugly floor fan when it isn’t in use. I had started making patchwork panels for the old studio a couple years ago because it didn’t have a real door or any privacy. I chose to make them out of cotton dustbags and totes that came with shoes, purses, swag, purchases, etc. I couldn’t bear for those those to go to waste. I didn’t patch the pieces in any sort of uniform pattern or with any sense of order, just whatever fit together with as little waste as possible - wabi sabi. I could have purchased pre-made panels, but back then I wanted a mentally undemanding task to do like machine sewing so I could fit in more audiobooks.

As I wrapped up this final endeavor, I noticed a parallel. In the same way I wouldn’t allow a single sliver of fabric to go to waste, I was also not allowing a single moment of my time or attention to not be used. Every second of my day had to be filled and optimized. Yet, so much remained incomplete.

Though I embraced the imperfection of my patchwork as an aesthetic and as an approach, in my final moments in the old space - with a hard deadline to finally finish the sheath for my ugly fan - I had to jettison some remnants for the sake of efficiency and the reality of limited time and make some clean cuts. And nothing bad happened. And I finished. And this time I audio raw dogged it - no music, no audiobook or class or podcast. Just the hum of a sewing machine and my own thoughts. I was an information sponge and I was soaked. No more could go in. I had to wring it out.

The scraps had been creating more scraps, the zero-waste approach was creating more mess, and wasting my time, and nothing I was hearing through my headphones was sticking, just creating more unfinished thoughts. I was nomadically roaming from home to office to storage and back and never feeling still or rooted. It felt like a patchwork of me had been expanding in all directions but never complete or fully functional. Just wobbly and aimless.

I finished the cozy , but as it turns out, the new office has a built-in fan and I may never need to use the floor fan I made cozy for. But it will look cute in storage next to my sewing machine, and it gave me a sense of completion and drove home the importance of making more space for nothingness, quiet, and stillness. Also moving spaces can force you to reckon with ruthlessly saying good riddance to what’s cluttering your space, your psyche, and draining your energy.

Then I decided to take the rest of August off from hustling - and by hustling I mean pushing - to get new clients, pushing to create content in the hopes of it generating income, pushing to write posts in the hope of gaining new paid subscribers, pushing to reread old coursework and read more books for fear I’m not enough as is, do more self help practices, have a more rigorous skincare routine, more consistent cardio, etc etc, the to-do list was literally impossible and made me question every decision I’ve ever made and I felt I was literally pushing what I wanted away from me instead of allowing it to flow toward me. So I decided to press the brakes and come to a complete stop. It’s summer after all. Humans throughout time have honored summer breaks.

So I started binge watching Hacks in the middle of the day and taking naps. I didn’t edit my reintroduction video I planned to post on Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, LinkedIn, TikTok and my dot com. I didn’t even stress about affiliate content or writing about any specific topics on Substack. I didn’t follow up on any leads. I took Instagram off my phone. I went to Palm Springs. I went to the pool. I saw a dragonfly floating on the water. I was pretty sure it was dead, but got a net and scooped it out. And sure enough there were signs of life, but its wings were soaked and it couldn’t fly. I found a chair and sat as still as a monk with the dragonfly in my hand while it dried in the sun. After about thirty minutes, it began to twitch and flutter. Then, just like that, it flew up and out, fast and strong, back into its habitat.

And within a few days of deciding to go dormant in August, I found myself resuming my life with a strong intention and an easy flow. I naturally resumed my responsibilities and passions in a way that makes “productive” sound like a dirty word. All I felt moved to do gushed from a well of love and creativity and gratitude, rather than from the pressure of my inner critic, a scarcity mindset, or a bathroom mirror covered in Post-It notes screaming at me. There are definitely remnants of what isn’t getting done that are going to be saved for future projects. That’s fine. But some scraps are getting incinerated into oblivion. Bye-bye unfinished tasks. Life goes on. Maybe oblivions are valuable, too. If we don’t make space for a void, we risk becoming avoidant.

I have a trip planned for mid-August where I will put the vacate in vacation - leaving it all behind, no doing, no filled-up days - just chilling and replenishing my spirit. Then I shall return to my fresh, new, clean office with an actual door, privacy, freshly painted white walls, and high ceilings where I can see clients, study in peace, and write, write, write!!! And whatever else calls to me.

And now for the affiliate content (which I may have been avoiding) that pays the bills (or may one day pay the bills) and helps me help others.

A Patchwork of Six Things I’m Loving This Summer

My new office is number one, and we already talked about that, and here are six special pieces making life feel cohesively wabi sabi, refined, cozy, sultry, intentional, magical, rooted, flowing, earthy and luxurious.

1 Huey Lightshop sent this lamp made of walnut and handcrafted porcelain. I love the cozy warmth it gives to my space.

2 I’ll hang my bag and coat from these dark brass sculptural hooks by Spaces Within.

3 This little Helmut Lang slip dress has me finding any reason to go out for cocktails at golden hour. I love wearing it over big gray jeans with a tiny bag and toes out.

4 I’ve put a pause on patchworking and I’m now hoarding readymade textiles like these fancy towels by Autumn Sonata.

5 This testimonial I received from a coaching client made me emotional and deepened my faith in why I made this career pivot in the first place.

“Sissy leads with an open heart. She knocked down the shame I had around my age, my marriage, motherhood, and needing support in sex. I immediately felt safe with her, to explore, find my curiosity, and name what had dimmed my inner flame for so long. She asks deep questions, ones I had not heard in the therapy world. Her accountability is a warm hug, carrying you forward to live your fullest life. To me, that was the ingredient that had been missing: the presence for pleasure, to be able to really feel it and be available for it. She gave my husband and me tools to deepen and expand what has always been there, but shoved aside for so long. This work is far deeper than just sex itself. It is our humanity, our capacity for love, and a container to express it and evolve it. I’ve been able to play more and soften my heart, which has enriched my relationships not only in my marriage, but with my son, my friendships, and in my art. Cannot recommend her transformative work enough.”

6 Happy six year anniversary to Pleasure, Joy, and Happiness, my husband Eddie Chacon’s very own comeback special. After stepping away from music for 20-something years, he had a surprise warm welcome back in 2020 with critical acclaim and the stamp of approval from the most discerning record-heads … when he was in his late 50’s. Goals! He reminds me every day that if you do work that is in the service of others and if you believe in your talents and skills, you can have faith, get off the hamster wheel, binge watch tv in the daytime, take catnaps and nature walks, and all that is meant to be will flow toward you. Follow your bliss, in other words. (Once you’ve done the work of course - but don’t keep working yourself into the ground and chasing what is already yours).