On Deciding to Quit Instagram

or just about any toxic situation

I promise to do more shopping and style-related posts SOON but TBH those are just a cover for me to get my demons out on Substack. You may find more value in this post anyway.

I might as well be telling you I took the 110 to the 10 to the 405 to get here because I know kvetching about Instagram is literally the most boring topic of conversation, right up there with weather talk and route talk. But relatable, right? Or is that only when you made the devil’s bargain to make your livelihood dependent on your image and social media engagement? But at what cost? Eye strain, thoughts of self harm, ADHD, the present moment, real life connections, a cycle of compare and despair, getting butt hurt over low likes and having to toggle to “and others”, allowing arbitrary data to dominate me, forking over for painful cosmetic procedures and expensive clothes to remain in the creator sphere?

I stumbled upon the term Gooner recently and wondered if I’m becoming an InstaGooner - endlessly scrolling, refreshing my notifications, thinking in captions, making every single moment content, speaking in memes and Gen Z slang, thinking I’m a G for finessing and parlaying gifts for tagged posts, wearing outfits that would get me laughed out of a family gathering, never touching grass, and eternally yanking the lever of the dopamine casino slot machine and edging for the rush of the next winning line.

Anyway, I wanted to post this part of my journey in case you may find it helpful - especially if you’re going through a similar battle with the tyranny of the algorithm, social media addiction or digging yourself out of a rut. And I really do genuinely want to be helpful, and not just because “value added content” supposedly performs better. (I think that’s just another capitalist mindfuck trap they use to keep us feeling just unworthy enough to to stay on the hamster wheel. It’s a moving target. It was once you’re not thin enough, pretty enough, rich enough, successful enough, young enough. Now it’s you have no value to anyone. That way Meta can signal as a virtue driven company to throw the scent off the trail of all their evil deeds.) But honestly I think as much about shopping for cute outfits these days as I do about surveillance capitalism, AI censorship and the tyranny of Big Tech. With a Virgo sun, Leo moon and Sagittarius rising, I can’t help it.

Anyway, here are the questions I asked :

What will fill the void?

Who will I let down?

What will I miss / sacrifice?

Who will care? Who won’t?

What doors will close?

What do I stand to lose?

What wont I miss?

What do I look forward to being free from?

What will change?

What will be better?

Should I give it one last shot?

What will my Substack be without Instagram?

Do I “hate it” or did I just lose my confidence like I always do?

Do I quit cold turkey or in baby steps?

I asked and answered these questions on a real life pen and paper journal which I had heard was super therapeutic - it is. I got some perspective. And as I go back and read the questions and answers, most could probably apply to any major life change you’re considering.

I’ll spare you my spiral notebook full of answers, but here are 10 nuggets worthy of sharing .

1. You’re going to be okay. When you’re letting go of something toxic, wondering what will “fill the void’ isn’t really of concern and doesn’t need to be factored in. It will surely be positive.

2. Save yourself. When you’re letting go of something toxic, considering who will be let down is very enlightening. The people who love you unconditionally will understand and always be there.

3. It’s okay to hate it. But don’t get hating what you once loved confused with losing your confidence. Look back and pinpoint the moment(s) your spirit was broken and you were robbed of your passion. Heal that. But also if it’s toxic and killing you and you hate it, why be confident at what you hate? Why be confident at what’s killing you?

4. There are 2 kinds of letting go. I drew a silly cartoon depicting the 2 kinds of letting go: the kind that saves you and the kind that kills you. One is a stick figure me anchored under water . If I let go, I can swim to the top, breath and live. The other is me hanging from a tall building. If I let go I will fall to my death. So if it’ll save your life, it is crucial to find a way to love it again. Also, I noted, maybe an angel will come along. They always do.

5. Tap into your friends and colleagues who made major life changes, career pivots, were fired, quit jobs, or retired, etc. Ask them what it felt like before, during and after and how they found their footing again.

6. Don’t be hasty. I had asked myself if I should do it cold turkey or in baby steps or not at all. In case I was having a menty b or a manic episode, I decided against cold turkey. My life wasn’t in danger. I decided baby steps. I’d revisit in a week and see how I felt - was this a tantrum or valid? A little of both. I gave myself some homework assignments that I’d revisit in two weeks. For example, after waiting 2 weeks, I decided to deactivate my IG subscriptions. I announced a week before, then I pulled the plug. I also culled some cringe content.

7. Use your imagination. Fear of the unknown causes anxiety and dread and can keep you stuck in a rut. What will it be like without it? What will fill the void? What will this be without that? I wrote, “Use your imagination. It can be whatever you want it to be. What do you want it to be? Make it that way. Find a way.”

8. What are you Terms and Conditions? Still wavering between ‘baby steps’ and ‘not at all’, it occurred to me that if I didn’t quit, if I would figuratively die if I quit, there had to be a way to do it moving forward that I could stomach. I had to use my imagination. I had to have my own T&C’s. I have to make a contract with myself to do it in a way that won’t kill or deplete me. Being a decent person comes naturally to me so I haven’t had to work that hard to develop a set of principals or backbone. But it’s evident I have to put in a little effort to raise the bar on my own integrity when it comes to how I treat myself. I need a code of conduct…because I started to give myself the ick.

9. Identify the Ick. I had to ask myself not only when I allowed my spirit to broken by outside forces. For styling it wouldn’t be that hard to identify the death by a thousand cu(n)ts - a rude celebrity, bitchy model, nasty PR people, backstabbers, sadists, hacks, jive turkeys, being snubbed, rejected, taken advantage of, and not valued. But as a content creator, when did I get the ick? It wasn’t just the algorithm. It was me not always liking what I created. It was me compromising. It even made me a lot of money doing it- more than I ever made in my life. But I can’t do it anymore. And I know what it was. I know when I got the ick - it’s when I stopped bringing an enthusiastic urge to create beauty and express my original ideas. That’s the sweet stuff. That’s the creatively fulfilling stuff. That’s the gold of being your authentic self stuff. Feeling like your’e printing money for making mid content like a billion other “creators”, mimicking Gen Z Tik Tokers making 4 second fit check Reels and using trending audio and low fi GRWMs was fun for a while. But when it chipped away at my soul, I decided it came at too great a cost. It was also when I lost sight of my value and made so much free content that I started to feel like a simp. As much as I love doing a good deed, helping a small brand or designer, getting free stuff, maintaining good relationships with a PR peeps, and showing potential clients what I can do for them, I really lost sight of my value.

10. Get your principals in order. I do want to focus more on writing, consulting, shoppable posts and creating content I vibe with. I plan to get my principals in order. Stick to my principals for 30 days. Get a 30 day no BS chip and then see if I still wan’t to quit or just quit compromising my truth and change my approach.

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